Whether they exist in nature or in our minds, monsters remind us of our place in the world. Some of these creatures distance themselves from civilization, whereas others lurk nearby. For years, films have given shape to our fear of the unnatural. Xenomorphs changed how we think of aliens. David Cronenberg’s The Fly showed how we make our own monsters. And dinosaurs were no longer a fantasy in Jurassic Park. But for every successful-looking monster, there are ones who undermine their own fearfulness. With a focus on the ’90s, here are ten monsters that looked too hilarious to be scary.
Watchers II: The Monster
Dean Koontz’s novel Watchers spawned a 1988 film of the same name. In the movie’s first sequel, another mutated beast is in hot pursuit of a genius golden retriever. Watchers II was made on an even smaller budget than its predecessor. This means the monster looks worse. Dreadful, in all honesty. It’s hard to accurately describe what he looks like, but imagine a life-sized anteater made of wax. Then leave him under a low-heat lamp for a few hours. The mediocre costume design absolutely hampers the monster’s scare factor in Watchers II. Not that the first movie’s was much better.
Tremors 2 — Aftershocks: Shriekers
The Graboids in the Tremors franchise are giant, carnivorous sandworms. And thanks to Amalgamated Dynamics, these animatronic invertebrates look pretty good for the era. It’s in the sequels, however, where things look dicey. The Graboids apparently evolve like Pokémon — in the 1996 sequel Tremors 2: Aftershocks, the worms abandon the subterranean lifestyle. Their second life cycle stage is the Shrieker, a terrestrial and limbless critter with a built-in heat sensor. A Shrieker is tougher to contend with than a Graboid, but it looks like a mutated, featherless turkey. You’ll run from them, yet you’ll feel silly for doing so.
Guyver: The Zoanoids
Based on the manga of the same name, The Guyver is an underrated actioner. In the film, a martial artist becomes the titular hero after coming into contact with an alien artifact called the Unit. He and his love interest are eventually hunted down by a corporation — consisting of monsters called Zoanoids — seeking out the device. With its relatively small budget, The Guyver did an honorable job with the special effects and costumes. That being said, the Zoanoids lack their manga counterparts’ menacing miens. They also bear a striking resemblance to the creature designs in Gremlins 2: The New Batch.
Anaconda: The Anaconda
When making the sequel to Anaconda — Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid — production gave the snakes a facelift. They found that real anacondas had silly-looking heads. Or as stated on the DVD for Blood Orchid — “bizarre and comical.” There is merit to their reasoning. Looking closely, there is something quite off about an anaconda’s face. It might be the eyes. The Jennifer Lopez movie from 1997 overstated the snake’s facade. Every time the anaconda gapes its mouth, it looks like it’s laughing. And in turn, the viewers laugh, too.
Godzilla 2000: Orga
Orga is one Godzilla-verse foe who doesn’t get talked about enough. And there’s a reason why. In Toho’s 1999 entry in the long-running franchise, defending Japan from Godzilla is now a top priority. Godzilla 2000 features a race of aliens looking to clone the enormous titular beast. With only a sample of DNA, the aliens merge and become a kaiju called Orga. Orga’s head resembling that of TriStar’s Godzilla is deliberate, by the way. This monster disappoints because it’s a lumbering, muddled mess. Orga frankly better suits an ’80s Alien ripoff than a Godzilla movie. There is just nothing artful about Orga’s design.
An American Werewolf in Paris: The Werewolves
John Landis’ classic An American Werewolf in London boasts some astounding special effects. Everything was hands-on and tangible. But the same can’t be said for its 1997 sequel, An American Werewolf in Paris. This being the nineties, there was a growing shift in movies laden with CGI. That’s not to say computer-aided visuals are outright bad. In the right hands, they can surely wow. The problem here is the werewolves are so artificial-looking. Audiences know what a traditional werewolf should look like, and this is not it. Rather, these wolves look like they’d be more comfortable in a PS1 RPG.
The Boneyard: The Poodle
You wouldn’t think a demonic poodle would be scary. And you’re right, it’s definitely not. Alas, The Boneyard gives us a very big one. In this 1991 straight-to-video horror, a mortuary becomes the battleground between good and evil. Three mummified bodies brought there turn out to be ancient demons who can only be sated with human flesh. Unfortunately for the film’s characters, one of the demons possesses an innocent poodle. The result is so ludicrous that one of the actors cracks up at the sight. Nevertheless, The Boneyard is a fun time because it doesn’t take itself all that seriously.
Troll II: The Goblins
Troll II is one of those movies whose reputation precedes it. Everyone knows it’s awful, and no one expects it to be frightening. People celebrate its atrociousness. For those who haven’t experienced this movie, Troll II follows a family who’s moved into a town called Nilbog. As it turns out, Nilbog is full of goblins (not trolls). The weird thing about these goblins is they’re vegetarians. Yet they want to turn the family into vegetables so they can eat them. The goblins themselves are the complete opposite of intimidating. They merely amble about in their costumes and masks, which looks like they were purchased at a discount Halloween store.
Stephen King’s It: The Spider
Tim Curry gave a memorable performance as the eponymous creature in Stephen King’s It. In the miniseries’ conclusion, however, It — or Pennywise — takes on the form of a spider-like monster. Remembering that the 1990 adaptation of Stephen King’s novel was made for television, one has to forgive the so-so visual effects. The creature moves in the most ungainly manner, and when one examines its face more closely, they’ll see what looks like a starfish with eyes. The standoff between It and the Losers’ Club should be tense. Instead, any potential for dread has been sapped by a giant, goofy spider.
Sleepwalkers: The Werecats
In Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers, a teenager gets involved with a pair of shapeshifting werecats. A mother and her son, to be exact. These day-walking energy vampires specifically feed on virginal humans. And for some odd reason, they have a major aversion to actual cats. Although the story isn’t all that impressive, the main problem with this original Stephen King movie is the visual effects. The cat monsters’ transformations are achieved through morphing. Think Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” music video. While it may have seemed advanced in 1992, the antagonists look dated now when transitioning from human to werecat.
