Slasher films prey upon our everlasting fear of home invasions, random homicides, and serial killers while also somewhat providing some relevant social commentary. In any case, they have been a staple of the horror genre and have definitely introduced some symbolic and iconic movie monsters like Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Micheal Myers, and those punks from Scream.
Still, how slasher movies handle the way these guys operate can be quite comical. It’s not hard to see some questionable self-preservation decisions from the protagonists and victims or slasher movies. To that end, we present you 10 slasher movie logic memes that will make you end up rooting for the killers instead since they might actually be doing a service to humanity by culling those unfit for survival.
NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED… RIGHT?
Whether it’s Halloween, Friday the 13th, or Texas Chainsaw Massacre, humans are cats except they don’t have nine lives and curiosity will kill them. Too often, some side characters (a.k.a. knife fodder) or even the main heroes head straight to the killer’s location.
Sometimes they don’t even do it out of a need to save someone or get something, but rather out of poor decisionmaking skills. Heck, some of them think they can even take on the killer without any weapons or plans whatsoever. It’s one of those film moments that make you realize fear is a survival instinct among human beings.
ABSTINENCE SAVES LIVES APPARENTLY
Back in the 1980s and 1990s, teenage or premarital sex had seen a steady rise and filmmakers took notice of this…by making the protagonists of slasher films hormonal sex-crazed teenagers. The premise is simple, a group of beautiful and young people chooses to have a vacation in the middle of nowhere (oblivious of the place’s history) and partake in all manners of debauchery.
Then, a man with a hockey mask swoops in and kills everyone who doesn’t share his strict religious marital sex ideals. That’s not how it goes, of course, but it seems most slasher film villains have a merciful disposition towards anyone who’s abstinent or a virgin.
HIDE AND SEEK INSTINCTS KICK IN
This happened a lot more in the past movies than today because people are starting to be nitpicky about their horror protagonists. However, back then, it was rather infuriating how everyone stayed in their house after knowing that the killer is inside with them.
It’s as if they suddenly forgot that it was their own house or that they knew the layout of the place better. While they did know where the bedroom and the upstairs bathroom are, they apparently forgot the locations of the windows or doors. Perhaps that what happens when people panic? Or maybe they didn’t want to leave their home unattended.
DIVIDE AND CONQUER
Slasher films would be half as interesting or as long if groups of people knew they had strength in numbers. Instead, they tend to divide into small groups when one of their friends goes missing. The flimsy excuse was that they’d cover more ground and spend less time searching, even though they don’t have any reason to rush because they’re on a vacation or holiday.
As a result, they’re easily picked off by the slasher movie monster one-by-one or in pairs - particularly if they also decided to have sex in a secluded public area. Such a trope is not just limited to slasher movies too, it can happen to anyone in horror or zombie apocalypse films.
A LITTLE COMMUNICATION HELPS
The human mind can be a fragile thing when panicked and anything that elicits a fight or flight response. Most slasher film characters, however, respond with communication, specifically by asking a masked menace who he is or what he’s doing, even expecting them to answer sometimes.
There are also those moments where the victim is cornered and being toyed with by the killer and all they can ask is what their killer wants, trying to negotiate with them. It’s a fair attempt, but apparently, those guys haven’t seen slasher films and concluded that there’s no negotiating with masked mass murderers, especially after you witness them kill all your friends without any dialogue.
LIVE AND LET DIE
If there was an award for the most unexplained healing factor ever, slasher movie villains would probably take the top spot. How and why they can survive point-blank shotgun blasts, dismemberments, being burned to the bone, and many more manners of gruesome deaths is a mystery that can never be solved in the horror genre.
Most filmmakers simply chalk it up to supernatural means, but sometimes these slasher movie monsters are just lucky. By lucky, we mean popular enough to be exhumed from their proverbial graves to make money once more for the studio and people that own them.
ALWAYS PICK VICTIMS WITH FLAT FEET
You have to wonder how and why Jason Voorhees’ (or any other slasher movie monster) victims can never escape him. The guy doesn’t even run. All one has to do to escape is to do something they’ve learned ever since they were children, which is to sprint successfully.
Of course, them being in a slasher film, they just have to be unnaturally clumsy and uncoordinated. We’re talking about expectedly agile teenagers tripping over the smallest of rocks and then failing to get up as if their bones were made out of glass. Oh well, it’s Jason Voorhees’ lucky day should that happen.
HE HAS REALLY LONG LEGS
Speaking of another masked serial killer who doesn’t run, Michael Myers of Halloween also loves to take his time. The mysterious huge man moves like his knees have lost the capability to bend and therefore only speedwalks his way towards his victims.
This makes Michael Myers all the more vulnerable. Protagonists could simply find a sixteen wheeler parked in some countryside gas station and then run over Michael Myers again and again until he’s one with the pavement but no, they had to do it the hard way and lock themselves up in a house with elaborate traps that may or may not work.
FUN OR SURVIVAL, TOUGH CALL
The funny thing about surviving in slasher films is that you don’t even have to try. You just have to be an introvert or anti-social in order to not be a target. This only applies to certain slasher film baddies, though, but the recipe for self-preservation is all the same: Abstain from anything fun and don’t be nocturnal.
Also, the blonde ones usually die early, so don’t go near them and don’t worry about retaliating against the bullies, they usually get their due in the form of a machete to the throat. It’s that simple, really; if you want to go the extra mile, just don’t go on vacations. Stay in your home binging Netflix or playing video games to save your life.
WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
It’s understandable if you’re in a house and you hear some noise and want to investigate. Those could be some pesky rats infiltrating your pantry. However, there’s no stopping you from turning on the lights and if the power’s out, that’s usually a sign you should leave and not investigate further in the dark.
Because you don’t have to have a good imagination to expect that a masked weirdo with a kitchen knife might be lurking somewhere ready to pounce at you. How about a better idea? Hide, stay put, and wait until morning to investigate, everyone knows nothing bad happens while the sun shines, right?
