Movie characters live on the edge. Some drive fast cars. Some take knockout punches. Some catch fatal bullets. But none of them seem to suffer real consequences of more mundane decisions. Why?
Because they’re fictional people who don’t actually experience real-world consequences. They can eat however much or little of whatever it is they want and the worst that’ll happen is they’ll die to the tune of some melodramatic music, giving them the luxury to not have to show up on-screen all over again in the undoubtedly inferior sequel.
Thus, here are ten movie characters whose diets, whether minimal or monumental, exceeded as only excess can exceed.
Billy Bob - Varsity Blues (1999)
Played by Ron Lester (RIP), in Varsity Blues, Billy Bob’s a classic good ol’ boy high school football linebacker from West Canaan, Texas who likes his truck loud, his liquor dark and his shotgun loaded. But more than anything, Billy Bob loves his grub caloric.
In his opening scene, Billy Bob pulls up to Mox’s (James Van Der Beek) house in his truck to pick up Mox for school, and right after Mox jumps in, lo and behold, Billy Bob dips a pancake into a jar of peanut butter, houses down that ample American flapjack and chases it with a big ol’ chug of maple syrup like it’s water in a desert. Honestly, if it were possible to eat like that every day with no consequences, who wouldn’t?
Karl Childers - Sling Blade (1996)
And speaking of Billy Bob’s, one can’t forget the greatest Billy Bob of all, the one and only Billy Bob Thornton, and his one and only performance as Karl Childers in Sling Blade. Another good ol’ boy from the Deep South, Karl walks, he tinkers, he reckons, but mostly, Karl eats. Some french fried potaters here. Some pecker-full potted meat there. And of course, the fairest dish of them all …
Mustard and biscuits. That’s right. Good ol’ buttery mustard and biscuits just like mama made ’em. But if Karl keeps it up with those good ol’ mustard biscuits…it probably won’t be for the best.
Lisbeth Salander - The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011)
In an Oscar-nominated performance by Rooney Mara in David Fincher’s 2011 film The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, a remake of the original Swedish novel adaptation, Lisbeth Salander is a genius.
She’s also a loner. A survivor. A biker. And a fast metabolizer. Seriously, at one point in the movie, Lisbeth actually says, “I have a high metabolism. I can’t put on weight.” And she’s not kidding either. Lisbeth’s diet consists of soda, ramen noodles, happy meals, and cigarettes. But hey, if that doesn’t stop her from gutting a corrupt billionaire’s finances, backdooring a rapist pig, and nine-ironing the jaw off a murderous psychopath, then who’s to thumb their nose?
Rusty Ryan - Ocean’s Eleven (2001)
What makes Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt) so interesting is that despite his self-control and discipline as a criminal, he displays anything but discipline and self-control in his diet.
Throughout the movie, Rusty is shown crunching popcorn, sipping whiskey, eating ice cream, sucking a lollipop, enjoying a shrimp cocktail, munching on a salad, slurping a soda and finally, at the end of the movie, jarring a little cheeseburger indigestion out of his chest. But he’s never slowed down by all that food, which must mean that Rusty either has a metabolism faster than Lisbeth Salander, or he’s simply just burning all the burgers off by always being on the move.
Curtis (And The Entire Rear Section Of The Train) - Snowpiercer (2014)
In Oscar-nominated director Bong Joon Ho’s class warfare epic Snowpiercer, Curtis (Chris Evans) and a whole load of other people who haven’t had the luxury of a shower in years suffer as the lower-class of a transcontinental train run by an elite upper class, at the head of which sits Wilford (Ed Harris), an engineer who built the train to house the survivors of a botched climate change experiment that froze the globe and killed off most of the world’s population.
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Restricted to the back section of the train, Curtis and his friends are at the mercy of armed guards, locked doors, and a minimally-rationed diet. How minimal? Nothing more than a tiny, disgusting gelatinous mass called a “protein bar,” which is more than enough motivation for Curtis to lead his people on a revolt to the front of the train where they can finally get a little sushi and steak.
Tony Lip - Green Book (2018)
Viggo Mortensen gained forty-five pounds for his role as real-life 1960s Copacabana bouncer Tony Lip in Green Book, and he certainly lives up to the plump he packed on. In one of the movie’s early scenes, Tony Lip wins fifty dollars in an eating contest by scarfing down twenty-six hot dogs (with toppings) in one sitting.
Then, Lip goes on to eat just about every greased-soaked meal he can throughout the rest of the movie. Buckets of fried chicken. Potato chips. Pecan log rolls. And an entire pizza (in bed). It’s a miracle Lip manages anything much, let alone keeping Dr. Donald Shirley (Mahershala Ali) safe while chauffeuring him through the Jim Crow-era Deep South.
Trevor Reznik - The Machinist (2004)
Christian Bale lost sixty-five pounds to play an industrial worker in the psychological thriller The Machinist, the gravity of which gets all the more horrifying when the audience sees Bale’s dangerous transformation onscreen.
In one scene, Bale turns towards the camera, holds his arms out to his side, sucks in his cheeks and tightens his abdomen to show a frame so emaciated that one could only believe his body is a special effect (it isn’t). As for Trevor’s diet, all the audience really sees him consume in the movie is coffee, save for one scene where he finally gives the audience a little reprieve by chowing down on some chicken.
Nomi Malone - Showgirls (1995)
In one of the best worst movies of all time, down and out drifter Nomi Malone (Elizabeth Berkley) dreams of leaving her life as a stripper behind to become an elite Vegas dancer and overcome Cristal Connors (Gina Gershon) as the greatest showgirl Sin City has to offer.
And wow, as relentless as Nomi’s determination is, nothing is more relentless than her Elon Mosk of a metabolic process. It just doesn’t know how to pump the breaks. Seriously, throughout Showgirls, it’s pure gluttony. Big bags of chips. Burger, fries, and soda. Big bags of chips. Burger, fries, and soda. Well, maybe a little doggy chow too.
Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo, and Raphael - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
More than anything else, the Ninja Turtles love their pizza. Pizza, pizza, pizza. So much so that it’s all they really eat. And what does it matter anyway?
They’re mutant ninjas who probably burn everything off by spending all their time training, skateboarding and cowabunga-ing The Foot and supervillain The Shredder to a pulp. By the way, there’s a scene in the movie where Michaelangelo and Donatello short the Dominoes guy three dollars because he’s two minutes late delivering their pizza. Does Dominoes still have that policy today? Asking for a friend.
Mark Watney - The Martian (2015)
After his mission goes haywire, astronaut Mark Watney (Matt Damon) is left for dead on Mars. Alone, injured and starving, Watney could either accept death, or he could get to work. Spoiler alert: he gets to work.
How?
He figures out a way to grow potatoes 140 million miles from home… by fertilizing them with his own feces. And believe it or not, that’s not Watney’s biggest feat. No, Watney’s biggest feat is that he actually managed to eat enough of those potatoes to drop sizeable enough dumps to produce effective enough fertilizer to, in turn, repeat the entire effective process over again and again, effectively for about eighteen months straight. In your face, Neil Armstrong.
