Riverdale: “A great place to get away with it all.” This smash-hit TV series is a winning blend of tweetable night-time soap opera and twisted murder mystery. While the gang still hangs out at Pop’s Chock-lit Shoppe, they’ve swapped poodle skirts for secrets and jalopies for getaway cars. This noir take on Archie Comics packs every episode full of jaw-dropping twists and shocking “gotcha!” moments.
On a show like Riverdale, where everyone’s a suspect who’s got something to hide, there’s bound to be a few plot holes. Season 1 sure had its fair share, and so have Season 2 and 3. There are storylines and character arcs that seem pulled directly from outer space. Don’t misinterpret the following as a take-down of the show. Riverdale’s consistent lunacy is part of its charm. Here are 10 Things About Riverdale That Make No Sense (Seasons 2 & 3).
All The Teens Are Phenomenal Singers
Music is a staple of Riverdale. Many episodes feature a performance and the official musical episode has become a much-anticipated tradition for the show. Season 2 kicked things off with Carrie: The Musical, and recently in Season 3, the gang performed Heathers: The Musical and it was even better.
While these episodes are iconic, it doesn’t make sense for Cheryl, Archie, and friends to star in them every year. Think about it: outside of a performing arts school, how many teenage groups of friends are all talented enough to compete on The Voice? Of the Riverdale gang, Josie is the only established musician. Archie and Veronica have flirted with music, but what about everyone else? Betty runs the school paper and seemingly has no interest in performing, outside of these token episodes. In reality, most of the friends wouldn’t have the time, interest, or talent to be in the school musical. But nobody’s really complaining because the musical episode is always a wickedly thrilling good time - unless you’re Midge Klump.
The Southside Serpents Is A Biker Gang Run By Teenagers
Until FP Jones got thrown in the slammer, he was the leader of the Southside Serpents. Jughead decides to follow in his father’s footsteps, undergoing the Serpents’ grueling initiation. Once a full-fledged member, Jughead quickly becomes one of the most respected members and other Serpents were turning to him for guidance.
It’s highly unlikely that most biker gangs in the real world would follow the instructions of a teenager. How many non-gang-affiliated adults let high-schoolers boss them around? Sure, Jughead is Serpent royalty by blood so that counts for something. But even Sons of Anarchy’s Jax Teller didn’t have the pull that Jughead does. The Southside Serpents are more of a high school clique with street cred than an actual biker gang.
Archie The Mobster
For many teenage boys, impressing the girlfriend’s dad is of utmost importance. In Season 2, Hiram Lodge is introduced as an ex-con, but Archie, boyfriend of Veronica, still wants his approval. In his high school days, Hiram was a talented boxer so Archie decides to join the boxing team himself. This is in the realm of believable.
Then things get weird. Hiram is quick to resume his criminal activities and Archie sees this as an opportunity to get on Hiram’s good side. Umm, Archiekins? You know that mob activity is illegal and dangerous, right? The whole “Archie goes to the dark side” storyline is far-fetched enough to begin with, but the craziness reaches a fever pitch when Archie swears his allegiance to Hiram with a blood ceremony. Like two little girls at the end of sleepaway camp who promise to keep in touch. This is the cherry on top of a sundae of insanity.
How Do The Serpents Afford Their Jackets?
The Southside Serpents identify themselves by uniform: a shiny, black leather jacket with the Serpents’ patch on the back. When Cheryl becomes a member, she’s even given a jacket in her signature color, cherry red.
Most of the Serpents lived in Sunnyside Trailer Park until it was burnt to smithereens. The trailer park has since been dubbed “Tent City” because the Serpents are now living in tents. In other words, they’re not rich. So who’s paying for all these top-of-the-line leather jackets? Remember, most of the Serpents are teenagers… who don’t have jobs. Either the Whyte Wyrm is making money hand over fist or this is a plot hole big enough to drive a Harley through.
How Does Anyone Get Good Grades?
If the teens didn’t spend a lot of time hanging out in a building full of lockers, the viewer would have no clue they’re in high school. They’re rarely shown in class and almost everyone appears to have a full-time job: Veronica owns both Pop’s and La Bonne Nuit, Jughead is head of the Serpents, and Betty is investigating The Farm. Then there’s Archie who so far this season has been locked away in juvie, on the run as a fugitive, and now runs a boxing gym. In other words, these ventures don’t leave a lot of time for hitting the books.
And yet, the whole universe grinds to a halt when it’s time to take the SATs. When on earth did these kids have time to study? Sure, Archie storms out of the test like a tornado of angst, but everyone else finishes. Later, Betty predicts she did well. Everyone seems to have college on the brain, but in reality, they’d likely be failing high school.
To Speakeasy Or Not To Speakeasy
Yes, the core four all have demanding side hustles… none of which make any sense. Case in point: La Bonne Nuit. First of all, only on Riverdale would a teenager own not one but two restaurants. When Veronica opens La Bonne Nuit, she explicitly states, “mocktails only.” It’s a speakeasy in name and decor only.
Until… it isn’t. Without warning, La Bonne Nuit becomes a real speakeasy overnight. Reggie’s doing backwoods booze runs. Hiram’s buying shots. Archie’s getting hammered. Maybe Veronica started serving liquor to subsidize her various debts. But she’s a minor, so how is she not busted by the cops? FP is the sheriff - we’ll get to that - who had his birthday party there and somehow Veronica is still able to continue operations scot-free. Another plot hole on Riverdale? Cheers to that.
Betty’s Lousy Detective Skills
As a modern-day Nancy Drew, Betty’s detective storylines are the most exciting on Riverdale. In Seasons 1 & 2, she was instrumental in finding Jason Blossom’s killer and discovering the identity of the Black Hood. Now in Season 3, she has her sights set on the insidious cult, The Farm. But she’s off her game and nobody’s acknowledging it.
Nobody blames her for hating The Farm. They brainwashed her mother. It’s understandable that Betty would be trying to snap her mom out of it, and that she’d have choice words for Farmie, Evelyn Evernever. But it’s not exactly smart to blow up at these people, then turn around and try to play nice in order to infiltrate them. Betty does this rinse, repeat all throughout Season 3.
Then there’s the whole issue of Betty going solo on most of her investigations. She suspects The Farm is guilty of some pretty dangerous stuff, so why doesn’t she use her status as Serpent Queen and bring some of her fellow gang members along? Don’t listen to Hollywood, Betty. A good detective always calls for back-up.
Hiram Gives Archie A Gym
Hiram and Archie’s business relationship doesn’t exactly end on good terms, as Hiram frames Archie for murder and tries to have him killed multiple times. One of Hiram’s tactics includes sending out a slew of “Kill the Red Paladin” cards to Gryphons and Gargoyles addicts. When Archie decides to box with his would-be assassins - because that’s how we solve our problems in Riverdale -he needs an appropriate venue. Of course, Hiram just happens to have acquired an out-of-business gym.
When Archie vanquishes his foes, Hiram tells him to keep the gym. This is apparently a mobster’s way of saying “I’m sorry I tried to kill you.” Huh? Hiram is a vengeful, evil mastermind. Why would he just up and give an enemy a gym? There may be some trick up Hiram’s sleeve, but he seemed genuine about the gesture. What’s next? Is he going to give Jughead a bowling alley? One present he won’t be doling out is common sense.
FP Is The Sheriff
Even in the zany world of Riverdale, this raises some eyebrows. He’s a failed construction worker turned busboy with a rap sheet. He also has zero law enforcement experience. Why did Mayor Hermione Lodge appoint him? The answer is simple: she wanted to frame him for murder. This backfires and yet FP is still wearing his sheriff’s badge.
In some states, the mayor actually does select the sheriff, so the civics pan out. However, why are no citizens of Riverdale protesting this choice? This town has been home to many a serial killer, after all. Do people not want someone qualified for the job? Following this logic, Hermione’s next move should be to make Penelope Blossom the school guidance counselor.
The Parents Are All The Same Age
What are the odds of this happening? Where to start with the flaws in logic? First, almost every Riverdale parent married their high school sweetheart. That’s pretty unlikely. Second, many people move away from their hometown. It’s a pretty big coincidence that all these high school sweetheart couples chose to stay. Third and finally, people have kids at varying points in life. So for all these former Riverdale high school students to stay in Riverdale and have kids at the exact same time is so rare it may as well be impossible.
But then again… it’s Riverdale. Stranger things have happened.
