Like any film in the horror genre, zombie movies usually have to be viewed with a certain suspension of disbelief. You have to believe that some of the survivors’ actions are plausible or reasonable enough in order to enjoy zombie movies, otherwise, the brain-eating undead trope never would have worked in Hollywood or anywhere else.
You first have to deal with scientists, doctors, or government officials messing everything up with reckless abandon before the films start to finally make up excuses for questionable physics, character decisions, and a pervasive lack of common sense. Still, certain illogical things from zombie movies are too apparent for our suspension of disbelief; here are 10 of those things that make you wonder whether zombies also had a hand in directing the movie or not.
SPLIT UP, GANG!
The meme comes from a Resident Evil game but it’s certainly applicable in lots of zombie movies or even horror movies. Somehow, people’s survival instincts all get thrown out the window; they decide to split up for reasons as doubtful as finding food or weapons instead of safe spots.
In reality, no one probably would have died if only all the survivors in zombie apocalypse movies decided to stick together. It’s not hard, really. Their enemies are merely idiotic undead creatures who or often slow or easily tricked. Still, they decide to split up no matter how few they are, even Charles Darwin would have facepalmed at that.
MARCO, POLO?
It’s hard to get into the specifics of how a zombie actually operates since there are many kinds and reincarnations of them depending on the directors. Regardless, most of them almost always rely on their human senses (or what’s left of those) to chase their prey.
Funny enough, some of them don’t even have eyeballs, ears, or noses and it’s easy to see which zombies you can trick. All a survivor has to do is to stop screaming, or staying upwind, or out of the zombie’s line of vision, voila! Survival through sensory advantage, who’d have thought? Of course, some zombies still cheat and manage to know where their food is in a supernatural way.
There’s literally branches everywhere
As a rule of thumb, that zombie movie protagonist should always step on a branch or a pile of beer cans whenever they’re hiding. It’s a shame that those plot device branches or noise-makers don’t apple to zombies no matter how many they are, even the ones that run.
We get it, sometimes zombies have to appear suddenly right at a character’s face to add terror and jump scares but how they managed to do it in a forest or a messy post-apocalyptic hallway without knocking things over is just plain unfair. Now, perhaps one of the perks of being a zombie is being sneaky? We’ll never know.
THEIR ALTERNATE REALITY SUCKS
Most of the worlds portrayed in zombie movies are no stranger than ours. People dress the same way, use the same stuff, and live (or have lived) at the same time period. How and why their alternate reality didn’t have any zombie movies available is just impossible.
They definitely had horror films so all the victims not knowing about zombies is just weird and absurd. Besides, zombies have existed in English literature as early as 1819 with more unrefined versions like the undead or ghouls having existed centuries before in different cultures. Really, zombie movie victims and survivors have no excuse not knowing what zombies are.
THOSE CAMERAS MUST LOOK REALLY TASTY
When you spend thousands or probably even millions of dollars on props, clothing, extras, and makeup, you might as well make good use of it in a movie. That’s probably why a lot of film directors had to maximize all the zombie appearances in their films– all that hard work shouldn’t go to waste.
That’s also probably why every dashcam or surveillance camera ever in zombie apocalypse movies look like that photo above. Those are some dedicated extras looking as creepy as they can through a camera lens. Zoom out of the commotion and you can probably imagine how ridiculous they look ganging up on a camera they cannot reach.
DENTAL HYGIENE HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER!
This one’s applicable to a lot of post-apocalypse films as well. It seems dental hygiene is an afterthought to whoever wrote the plot and built the world. However, zombie survivors having great clean teeth can be plausible; malls and convenience stores are most likely empty and toothbrushes, toothpaste, and dental flosses are all up for grabs.
That would be assuming the mall or highly-populated groceries aren’t infested with zombies. They most likely are, so there go your hopes of dental hygiene in a zombie apocalypse. You have to choose wisely, halitosis/meth addict teeth or your life? Still think you can survive?
IT WORKS IN PUBG, THOUGH
When you’re in a world overridden by zombies, you’re going to need any weapon you can get your hands on. You’ll most likely want to conserve ammunition for your guns too since those are the last bullets on Earth. Hence, you’ll have to channel your inner John Wick and weaponize everything.
Thankfully, the kitchen has one of the deadliest zombie-slaying weapons known to man: the frying pan. One resonating whack at a zombie’s head is enough to send it back to its grave. Even a shotgun has never been that effective before. Just clean the pan afterward if you intend to do bushcraft cooking with it.
SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST
It’s easy to see who gets to survive in a zombie apocalypse. That honorary title and privilege usually goes to the highest-billed actor or actress on-screen. If a character hasn’t announced his name or doesn’t get as much screen time as say, Brad Pitt, away they go to join the horde.
As such, based on zombie apocalypse rules, it’s better to be a beautiful human being who has a family to look after than being a highly trained Navy Seal whose armed to the teeth. If you’re not the main character but want to prolong your life, just grab a camera and you get to outlive all the highly-trained soldiers.
GOTTA LOOK GOOD FOR ZOMBIE INSTAGRAM
The Resident Evil franchise is simply too guilty of this cinema sin. Who the heck wears high heels and a red carpet dress amidst a zombie outbreak? Even the leather tights that can make Marvel’s Black Widow jealous are a liability in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
Because as it stands, if you have access to a full arsenal of weapons to deal with zombies, logic dictates that you cover yourself up in armor so they can’t bite or infect you. However, it seems Ada Wong, Alice, or Even Jill Valentine already have the awarding ceremony in mind after dealing with the zombies, they’re certainly dressed for that part.
OH THE FUEL AND LIVES THAT COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED
The zombie apocalypse changes people and it can be a traumatic event since most of them have lost many things. Among those things are apparently… bicycles. Funny, they didn’t lose cars, fuel, guns, bullets, and food, but they lost the most convenient form of fuel-free transportation man has ever invented, oh the tragedy.
Think of all the time and lives they could have saved if only they knew bicycles existed. They probably could have even rebuilt society if they had that much transportation capability. Instead, they look for fossil fuel and noisy death traps known as cars. That’s what happens when you don’t think green, you die in a zombie apocalypse.
